I chose the business name Radically Real because this is what I needed to heal and come alive – to get real and hold myself accountable, with compassion, for all of who I am and what I’ve done, both consciously and unconsciously. This was and continues to be humbling.

I was so good at doing what I needed to do to look good and please others that I lost sight of who I really was. I believed the facades (my defense strategies) especially the one that said I had my sh*t together. I prioritized looking good and gaining approval over honesty, integrity, and actually knowing myself.

I thought I had to fit the societal mold. That if I were fully myself, I’d be ridiculed, shamed, not accepted. I wanted to belong so that I could do what I wanted. I sacrificed large parts of myself in order to try and fit it, to belong, to maybe be loved.

Here are some of the stories I told myself – “I never get angry.” “I’ll always be available for you without needing anything in return.” “I’m strong and don’t need any help.” I really wanted to be this person b/c then I would feel needed, important, better than. I wouldn’t have to face my demons or my painful beliefs and emotions.

It was really humbling to realize that not only do I have needs, but my “kindness” and giving demeanor was often a manipulative attempt to get others to meet my needs. I had learned that my needs weren’t important, so I better not have them. Unfortunately, to be human is to have needs. So, I could only deny them for so long.

I did everything I could not to see my defenses, though this was not conscious. I blamed, over-helped, didn’t ask for what I needed or wanted (didn’t actually know), became resentful, manipulated, rescued, was holier-than-thou, and more. Not very fun to see for a person who wanted to think she was a selfless, competent helper!

All of this started to unravel when I did my first 10-day silent meditation retreat. I gave myself a migraine trying to be the best meditator ever – on the fast track to enlightenment 🙂 We learned to try and see through our facades and faulty thinking to the nature of reality. Some of the tools were compassion and non-judgment. These practices allowed me to see, then own, then accept many of my unpalatable, uncool traits.

I know how hard it is to get real, especially when our reality does not fit into societal norms and/or expectations.

Whatever you are hiding, ashamed of, unconscious about,

Getting real continues to be one of the most challenging, humbling, and liberating journeys I’ve ever taken. If you are ready to break free from the chains that bind you, let’s see if we are a good fit.

Compassionate authenticity